I just sent an email to my boss...
I signed out the entire first week of October. I thought it would be
appropriate to inform you that the first person to complain about this
(who has used the Machine from more than a week in August and September
combined) is getting brutally stabbed in the face.
I'll be in tomorrow bringing drug data and other goodness as a present
I showed it to a labmate (and potential face stabbee) and he said it sounded dangerously close to an illegal threat. Thankfully, Patrick has a sense of humor about these things.